Four Horsemen caught in porcupine sex scandal
As our intrepid reporter scours deepest Gornal for a decent interview, who should he bump into but the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse....
Interviewer: So lads, you don t mind me calling you that do you?
War: Yes, actually. If you don't address us as Sir/Sirs we will be obliged to kick the crap out of you, it's in our contract see.
Int: Thank you Sir. So how did you get into this game? Pestilence: Well, we were drop kicks at college, and we'd tried to start a rock band, but that was a waste of fucking time - we're talentless, see.
Famine: Yeah, well one day my mum got on to me, said I should get a job, so I called up these three and we went down the job centre.
Pestilence: just our bloody luck, arc angel Gabriel's on the desk. He asked for our CV's (and we hadn't got any) so we just made shit up.
War: Yeah. I said I'd got 3 masters degrees, a doctorate, and a HND in Home-Ec.
Int: What did you really have?
War: Fuck all.
Int: As the Horsemen of the Apocalypse, how do you justify your involvement in all the major worldwide problems of the last 4000 years.
Disease: Booze and Drugs.
Int: Pardon?
Pestilence: Lets take a "for instance". One night we were out on the pisser and war did his usual trick and got totally bugger-brained. Before we knew it, he'd gone round to Hitler's place and talked him into starting a ruck with the Jews down the road, faster man you can say "Nazi fascist bastard", war and Adolf had phoned round and roped in Georring, Himler, and Sid, the nutter from round the comer and there you have it WWll.
War: I'm not the only one to blame, what about disease and his crack?
Int: What happened there?
Disease: In the twenties I was bored and I started experimenting with cocaine. One night I got well out of it and when I woke up 3 days later I'd invented AIDS and facilitated it's spread throughout the globe. It was an accident really. I didn't realise people were that sex-mad.
Int: What about you famine, what have you got say about Ethiopia?
Famine: Ethiopia? Is that still there? Fuck. I thought I'd gotten rid of them years ago - even war pitched in on that effort. That's the trouble these days. You try an wipe out a country and some bastard like that Geldofbloke comes along and starts intervening. I wish they'd just fuck off an leave people to die.
Int: And finally to you Pestilence. I must say your life isn't exactly replete with great works.
Pestilence: Right! That's it! You can expect a large plague of locusts in your underpants by Wednesday-week. I won't be spoken to like that!
Unfortunately, the four horsemen had to depart at this point. Prior appointments beckoned. Bosnia, Romania, Somalia, and where was disease going? Oh yes that's it - the whole world.
This is Rover signing off.
Off.
Interviewer: So lads, you don t mind me calling you that do you?
War: Yes, actually. If you don't address us as Sir/Sirs we will be obliged to kick the crap out of you, it's in our contract see.
Int: Thank you Sir. So how did you get into this game? Pestilence: Well, we were drop kicks at college, and we'd tried to start a rock band, but that was a waste of fucking time - we're talentless, see.
Famine: Yeah, well one day my mum got on to me, said I should get a job, so I called up these three and we went down the job centre.
Pestilence: just our bloody luck, arc angel Gabriel's on the desk. He asked for our CV's (and we hadn't got any) so we just made shit up.
War: Yeah. I said I'd got 3 masters degrees, a doctorate, and a HND in Home-Ec.
Int: What did you really have?
War: Fuck all.
Int: As the Horsemen of the Apocalypse, how do you justify your involvement in all the major worldwide problems of the last 4000 years.
Disease: Booze and Drugs.
Int: Pardon?
Pestilence: Lets take a "for instance". One night we were out on the pisser and war did his usual trick and got totally bugger-brained. Before we knew it, he'd gone round to Hitler's place and talked him into starting a ruck with the Jews down the road, faster man you can say "Nazi fascist bastard", war and Adolf had phoned round and roped in Georring, Himler, and Sid, the nutter from round the comer and there you have it WWll.
War: I'm not the only one to blame, what about disease and his crack?
Int: What happened there?
Disease: In the twenties I was bored and I started experimenting with cocaine. One night I got well out of it and when I woke up 3 days later I'd invented AIDS and facilitated it's spread throughout the globe. It was an accident really. I didn't realise people were that sex-mad.
Int: What about you famine, what have you got say about Ethiopia?
Famine: Ethiopia? Is that still there? Fuck. I thought I'd gotten rid of them years ago - even war pitched in on that effort. That's the trouble these days. You try an wipe out a country and some bastard like that Geldofbloke comes along and starts intervening. I wish they'd just fuck off an leave people to die.
Int: And finally to you Pestilence. I must say your life isn't exactly replete with great works.
Pestilence: Right! That's it! You can expect a large plague of locusts in your underpants by Wednesday-week. I won't be spoken to like that!
Unfortunately, the four horsemen had to depart at this point. Prior appointments beckoned. Bosnia, Romania, Somalia, and where was disease going? Oh yes that's it - the whole world.
This is Rover signing off.
Off.
4 Comments:
shit!!! wat the hell is with the title for starters as they dont mention anything to do with the title and for so many chararcters its not long enough... not a good read
Women don't give their age and men don't show theirs!!!
I have a lovely sex story do you want to hear it.. i will tell you anyway.....we had just made our way to the bedroom after having heated, passionate sex in the kitchen, up the stairs in the spare bedroom, and the bathroom. At approximately 12:52 I was awoken by an angry thud at the door. I had to dodge the clothes and items we may of knocked over. As I was weaving in and out of the items Theo shouted down “Do you want me to get it?”
“No I have got it.”
It was the next door neighbour saying
“PLEASE be QUITE some of us don’t have a intense sex life so be quite or I will phone the police.
I went back upstairs he started his “Tongue Tornado!!” It was so intense I was screaming "Fucking hell" at the top of my lungs you should try it some time. Give your girlfriend head, she will love it!!!!
IT WAS THE SHIT
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